Eloquently entwined in the dance of memories refined, are my smiling tears and your hand in mine.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

That's the Woman.

If time could rewind, I'd go back to 2008, I'd be a better sister to Bernie, relive P5 camp, stop Aiswarya from leaving, beat Rosyth in that debate, get that bracelet from Stan, do better in scrabble, take back what I shouted at Nicole, relive the stuff that Phyllis and I went through. I'd still go to SMSS, but I wouldn't have irritated the band as much, I would try to be more normal, someone they could accept, and maybe would have gotten better grades. Though I wouldn't have quit my CCA. But it's all too late. What's most too late is for me to be a good daughter through all those times. I'm sorry, but I can't.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough now. I knew from the beginning that I'll never learn how to play the piano well, nor do maths, nor be pretty like you when you were younger. I know I'm clumsy, fat, stupid, naive and ignorant. I can't help it, I'm born like that. I'm horrible. I'm pathetic. I've been told that before. I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through.

But I want to be selfish. I want to prove to you that even the most pathetic of humans have talent, dreams; a future. So I'll stay. I'll stay and I'll fight with your insults, your disappointment, your suicidal threats. It might be worth it. No, it's GOING TO BE worth it. I'll use every part of myself. Right down to my very heart and soul. I'll show you that I'm braver than you are, even though I can't stand the sight of a butterfly.

I'll experience forbidden love, rebelliousness, student petitions and revolts, hard work, an A for maths (which you never got.), singing competitions, writing competitions, go for church attachment, get confirmed, act in a musical, DIRECT A MUSICAL, publish my own book, get a degree in psychology, get a masters in psychology, become a bestseller. I'll become stronger.

And maybe, just maybe, one day, like you, I'll get married. But I'd make a luckier gamble. I'll have children, more than one. I'll bring them to church every Sunday. I'd send them to school and back. I'll treasure them, sacrifice for them, sweat blood for them, just like you did. And I'll make them look up to you, and I'll tell them, "That's the woman that brought us where we are today. That's the woman."

Veni,vidi,vici... 5:04 AM

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'll see if anyone makes it through this entire post with a straight face in a posh British accent. Especially you. Yes you. You know who you are.

Mr. RCL.

ASHLEY HO. Experience the RANDOMNESS I blessed you with once again in this blog. No, no Prince Solomon, but yeah. Still relevantly wonderfully random.
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I met a boy named Adam once. Adam was ten, and like any talkative boy of his age, he was on a constant sugar rush. We were both in this... Parliament house. Well, old parliament house, to be exact. He was looking at the bright lights in the house and he was going towards them.

"THEY ARE... THE CAMERAS OF DOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111"

Then he looked at the pillars and started screaming about how they were the.... PILLARHSSSS OF PARANOIAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Then a half French half Japanese man jumped out from behind the pillars and started dancing to Single Ladies by Beyonce.

THE END.
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NOT! Then an evil vacuum cleaner came up to the parliament and revealed itself to be a GIANT SOTONG. MUAHAHAHAHAHA AND IT SUCKED EVERYONE UP. Fortunately, Miss Bacon came along and saved the day by throwing some punches at it and out fell my dear friend Ruth.

Okay, now it's really ended. :)

Veni,vidi,vici... 5:20 AM

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I'm so scared of tomorrow. A blank canvas of nothingness. I keep pressing on, but nothing's happening. I'm really very scared. Sometimes, I wish I could switch lives with someone else. Everyday, it feels like I'm playing some Russian roulette. I feel like I'm going to get shot at point blank and lose it all. I'm going crazy. I'm going to lose it all. I'm really going to lose it all. I find it funny that so many people ask me advice, but nobody seems to notice who's the weaker one amongst them. In this strange, complicated world. I feel really alone. Really really alone. I don't know why. It feels as if the events of the last year have disappointed me too much. Too too much. I've lost most of my faith in everyone already. How far away is heaven? How far away are the days of a tomorrow that I could believe in?

God, tell me.

Veni,vidi,vici... 2:00 AM

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I've learnt that there is no use in comforting oneself into thinking one is all-appreciating, great, philosophical and wise when in actual fact, we're just laughing at one another.

Face it. Many of us either think that we're different from the rest or worse off than the rest. It's a way of identity I guess? Or maybe it's some sort of confidence booster. Like, "Oh my gosh, I probably sound all good and cool to you because I appreciate the rising sun and the winds and the blahblahblah." I think that's what I've been doing all along. I mean, we make ourselves sound oh-so righteous and everything. Like, why can't we exemplify our OWN weaknesses instead of constantly criticizing others? Even the sentence before was an example of 'pretending to all goody.'

But still, we can't help it. There are like, how many billion people on this earth, and because of that, there really can't be some common understanding of what is normal. In some communities, (not going to mention where though.) the eldest daughter of the family is given up to prostitution. Now everyone's like, "Whuuuut?! Ohmygosh that's so horrible!" In actual fact, those eldest daughters are quite honoured to be the family's sacrifice and main income source. So... Who are we to judge?

Then here comes the problem. If we DON'T judge, then we CAN'T have opinions. So if the world doesn't have opinions, I wouldn't be making any sense right now. And all that I typed before is a bunch of crap. Yadayadayaaa. See, I'm judging again. I guess it's just human nature. I guess we really cant help laughing at each other then. After all, who wants such a boring life? :)

Veni,vidi,vici... 12:08 AM

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

This blog has died for the longest time ever. EVAR. Should I be happy? :| Well, not really, maybe? Man, I am lazy, you know that? Why do I keep on asking so many questions? Today, I rant on behalf of my wronged classmates. D:< I feel so angry for them.

But anyway. Here's my message to you. If you know who you are. You probably won't know who you are or will refuse to accept this little poem I wrote for you, considering how cowardly and wimpy you can be.

Bootlickers are rampant in the streets of my school,
Leeches who try too hard, play too cool,
Ladidadi, ladidadum,
What's the use of good grades when you're such a bum?
Your overbearing attitude permeates the class,
Wait for while, Karma will bite your ass.
What the hell do you think you are?
Awesome? Epic? That's plain bizzare.
Because in case you didn't realise, I'm telling you this.
Someone with your values is close to shit.
I thought people like you only stay,
In storybooks, in sardonic plays.
Childish, not mature, as you always thought,
"I've never seen a more natural leader." NOT.
When will you realise that you're really selfish,
And at your funeral, no one would miss,
A single bit of you at all,
Due to your lack of humanity and balls.
You lie, you cheat, you snigger, that's fine,
But in all our hearts, through all our eyes,
You're just another pathetic parasite,
Who'd get a PHd, but fail miserably in life.

Veni,vidi,vici... 3:21 AM

Sunday, May 16, 2010

"Look, I just polished my blades to perfection!"

"Yeah. What do you want me to do, make love to you?"

"Oh, reallly? :D"

"No! I don't swing that way!"

"Aw come on, it'll be fun!"

"Not with you."

"You'll come to like me. I grow on people."

"So do warts! But you don't see me liking them!"

"Blah! You're no fun!"

"Stop bugging me. Go suck a hobo's toe or something."

"Whose? Your mom's?"

"o.0? My mom's... A hobo?"

"Nah, she's just chillin out with the cucumbers. :D"

"=.= I'll be damned, darling. I'll be damned."

"You just called me darling! Can I make out with you now?"

"AHH! JUST GO FIND YOUR HOBO!"
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As you can tell, I really love the word darling. I think it's more than a term of affection between a pair of lovebirds. I think it's a term of affection between people and all other people! Okay, being a retard here. Erm. Anyone has an apple? :D

Veni,vidi,vici... 5:23 AM

Monday, April 26, 2010

When I look at this blog, I see so many words. So many words to write, too little time. Pictures say a thousand words. Songs sing a thousand verses. Imagine a world without human feeling. Words would be meaningless. Songs would just be a variation of pitches and vibrations. Pictures would just be a spectrum of colours, a sight...Nothing. And nothing should be nothing. We have already denied that possibility. That would indeed be a sad world. A lonely world of nothing.

God is the source of all love and grace. God is beyond human understanding. But all I know is that when there's no one left in the world for you, you're right. But there's someone in heaven; there's God.

Okay, so I think I'm going too far in the 'writing what I feel' concept in blogs. I mean, I think nobody really understands what I'm writing about. But I don't really care.

Veni,vidi,vici... 7:34 AM